You can forget me; you have proven that to me time after time and even to this day. I know you’ve said a lot of things that were deep and meaningful, but your actions spoke the truth while your words told me lies. I don't expect you to understand, because not only are you lying to me and whoever else, but you're lying to yourself. And just like me, you want to believe in your words so bad, but your actions tell a different story.
I know you were stressed about other things, but the only thing you ever voiced when you were around me, 98% of the time, were “your” problems. I tried to be some type of support system for you even though I was going through my own struggles. I just needed you to be my support system too, but you didn’t have time or room for any other problems. All I needed was a little communication or reassurance from time to time, but that was still too much for you to do.
I don’t think being engaged to one another would have changed anything. I think you still would have done everything the same. Her marriage didn’t stop you…our supposed love for one another didn’t stop you…so I doubt being engaged or married to me would have stopped you. I could be wrong, but I doubt it.
I know you’re lost right now. I wish I could save you, but the only person who can truly save you is yourself. Why you? Because you need to save yourself from yourself. You have so much to learn and realize. I know you think you have learned from your mistakes, but I’m sorry…you haven’t. I know this because you’re still making the same mistakes over and over again. I hope you do figure everything out one day…for your sake.
I doubt I will ever be over you, but I have to do what is right for me now. I can honestly say that I have never loved anyone the way I loved you and still do. I can only pray that when and if I ever fall in love again, that it will be big enough for me to get over you.
I’m sorry to come off this way, but this is me about to be blunt…Do you think you loved them…better yet…do you think they actually love or loved you? Neither of them knows what love is. You’re either too blind to see that or you choose not to see the truth. You don’t even know what love is truly about…but you will one day. Here’s a hint though, it’s everything opposite of what you did to me starting with the first female and allowing everybody else to dictate your life, wants, and needs [for example, who to be with or when to get married].
I actually confronted you know who about him telling you not to get married. His response was “Yea, I tell that to everyone because of how my relationship is. He’s the dumbass that listened to me”. [SMH] In the beginning, everyone had something to say about me or you. My mom, brother, my friend…your cousins and friends, but we didn’t allow any of them to affect us because we knew what we wanted and weren’t going to let anyone get in our way. Anyways, people change I guess.
With or without you…I will move forward…and will be happy again. I don’t know why bad things happen to good people, but I have to believe that something good will come out of it in the end.
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