I had you at your best and your best was the best 2 yrs of my entire life. I’m thankful for the memories, yet they are still bitter sweet because in the end, they always bring me back to reality. The reality that what once was…is now no more.
People always asked why it’s so hard for me to give up on you. The truth is, I saw the wonderful person you were and the huge heart that shined brighter than the sun. I saw the great person you could become, which made it hard for me to see you in a negative light, especially when I had already seen you at your best. I saw you giving up and I thought if I held on long enough to the old you, that he might come back, but I was wrong.
I never left you because…I never had you. We both know you were back with her or making plans to get back with her before I called you that day…I just made the transition easier for you by figuring it out. Please don’t treat me like I’m stupid. I know what love is. I know how love is supposed to be. I know that love isn’t perfect. And I know that love is possible because I felt it first hand when we were together (before things ever went bad). I know you think you tried, but I’m sorry…you didn’t and we both know it’s true because you true efforts shined when we first got together.
I’m tired of the lies and deceit. I’m tired of feeling like I’m worthless and meaningless. I’m tired of my heart breaking, especially when it’s still so weak. I was counting on you, but you didn’t want to save me…you didn’t want to fight for me.
I use to see your love for me burn in your eyes and take over me when your lips embraced mine. I guess I always knew you stopped loving me, but I didn’t want to believe it. I was holding on to anything of you, but now I can’t seem to see your face or hear your name without dying inside.
My heart is filled with hate and pain. I’ve allowed the darkness and emptiness to consume me. The fire that once burned in me and gave me life has faded. Every part of me has died with you, but I want it all back.
I wish things could go back to what they once were, but I’ve lost all hope in that ever happening. And now I have to accept that the healing starts with me. I’m starting to remember…what my heart is beating for…that the pain won’t last forever…and that I will love again.
As far as us meeting again one day…I don’t know…maybe it’s just better to forget me.
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