What Do I Say...

What do I say when you tell me that you're "just checking on me"? Do I put up a front and act like I'm fine. Do I sit there in silence?

Or do I pour my heart out over the phone and tell you I miss you and that I can't do this? That I just wish things would go back to the way they were before all the problems...when we were so happy and so sure. Do I tell you that I miss everything we once had, but are now just distant memories. Memories that haunt me. Memories that I long for.

Do I tell you that my heart breaks multiple times a day. That it feels like something is squeezing my heart from within and my stomach sinks in as I breathe in deeply from the pressure and suddenly a chill goes over my entire body and I go cold...and I die in that moment.

Do I tell you I can't sleep because I fear to dream of you. Dreams of you moving on without me...dreams of you wanting me back and waking up alone. Do I tell you about how I hug my pillow wishing it was you. And that no matter how hard I squeeze...it never squeezes me back.

Do I tell you how I miss making you happy. That I miss playing with your hair. That I miss running my finger tips along your back. That I miss cooking for you. That I miss laughing and making memories with you.

But I don't pour my heart out. I don't want to make things worse. Plus I know it won't change anything.