I learned something new today. I've learned that I currently love and hate taking showers. [Weird I know] I don't know what it is, but I've noticed that I am very vulnerable when I'm in the shower. The water rains over me and my tears just start to flow. The blessing is that the water also softens the blow of my tears, because I can't tell the difference between the water and my tears.
The water also comforts me...it's like my silent transparent friend that is trying to console me. I'm numb and the only other thing I truly feel other then pain is cold [Regardless if the heater is on and I'm layered in clothing]. The warmth and pressure from the water against my skin seems to be the only thing strong enough to penetrate to my core.
When I close my eyes and allow the water to flow over my head and down my body, I some what feel embraced by it all. But it saddens me because it reminds me of his touch. The way he held me when I cried. The way his embrace held me together when it felt like I was about to fall to pieces. The way I felt safe in his arms or even when he held my hand.
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