How could he ever say or think such a thing. I honestly don't know why or where he comes up with this stuff. I'm shocked and baffled by the whole idea. [Sigh] How could he think or tell someone that the reason I left was because I was seeing or trying to see someone else?
Seriously, what have I been doing this entire time? [Crying]
What was the point of me starting this blog? [Because I can't handle not being with him]
I've been so honest with him, especially when it came to other guys. I thought I explained all this to him so well. I kept it short and straight to the point, which was...
I can't just be friends with someone I am in love with because its not fair to either of us. It's not fair for me to be upset when he is hanging out/hooking up with other females, because I am not his girlfriend. And it's also not fair to me to have to sit there and see/hear about these other females when I am in love with him.
[scratches head] I don't get it. If you compared our track record since we broke up, it would be 3/possibly more [Him] to nothing [Me].
Is he trying to make me out to be the bad guy?
If anything, I was trying to do the right thing for the both of us. His feelings confuse me. One minute he makes it seem like he wants to be with me, but once I've caught him in "something", he throws the "we're not together" card in my face. One minute it's "you don't follow through with what you say" [i.e. when I tell him I never want to see him again], then it's "you're just going to leave me again??" [Me walking away because it's all too much for me or my heart to handle].
If you love me, then love me. If you say I'm the best, then treat me better than the rest. If you know me like you say you do, then you know there is no one else. So please stop accusing me of things just because you did them or are planning to do them. It's not right nor is it fair.
2 comments:
Had to leave this comment anonymously, but am pretty sure you know who it is. I've been so proud of the progress you've made releasing the pain and venting your feelings. Don't give up until you've been purged of your "tortured love" and can redefine yourself as a happier person.
If I can leave you with just one thought, it would be to pick yourself up by your bootstraps, post one last f-you blog, and determine to not drag yourself back down with this guy anymore.
thanks. it means a lot to me to hear such kind words. i'm definitely seeking and trying to be a happier person...a person i once was and still am capable of being.
as far as your one thought, i am trying. and i can honestly say it gets a little better with each day. with any problem, i have my moments, but i'll be okay. ♥
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